Release Day

You may ask yourself, “How do I work this?” And you may ask yourself, “Where is that large automobile?” OK, that may be a post for another time. The question of the moment is, “Why are DVDs, CDs, and books released on Tuesdays?”

“It’s quite simple, actually,” states Marc Berman, of the trade magazine Mediaweek. “Since Monday is the day after the weekend, consumers are not at their height of awareness. And because Friday is the day before the weekend, consumers are preoccupied with other things. That leaves Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Since Tuesday comes first, it leaves Wednesday and Thursday open to actually buy [and track sales of] the product. So, Tuesday it is!”

I hope to be able to bring your attention to some of the more interesting new releases over the course of 2009. One new release, out today, will be unchallenged, however, for the worst DVD release of the year.

Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you this:

yeti3

“Starring” Ed Marinaro and Peter DeLuise, the synopsis goes something like this:

After their plane crashes into uncharted territory in the snowy Himalayan Mountains, the surviving members of a college football team led by quarterback Peyton Elway set out to find help in a freezing cold blizzard. As days pass with no rescue in sight, food and morale run low and some of the survivors, including team manager Sarah battle their consciences as they make the heartrending decision that in order to survive, they must use the dead bodies of their teammates as a food source. But their biggest danger is lurking nearby; a hungry beast that stalks them with an insatiable bloodlust. The Yeti.

Hot on a distress call, mountain rangers Sheppard and Fury scale the treacherous mountain side to locate the survivors before they succumb to the elements or become the latest victims of the ancient creature. Arriving at the base camp they find those that remain and learn that Sarah has been taken away by the snow beast.

With only a few hours of daylight left in the day, the group struggle along the rocky cliffs in a desperate search to find Sarah. Coming face to face with the Yeti, they battle it out in hopes of making it to a helicopter rendezvous that will save them from this snowy hell. But with the Yeti fiercely killing them one by one, can they make it to the mountain top in time to escape?

Why was this movie made? Is there really an audience that will spend $12.99 to own this garbage? Can we just send everyone responsible for bringing us this movie to the Himalayas to face the “mih teh” themselves?

OK, end of rant. But, really, this is shamefully awful. And as for Ed Marinaro, well, it’s not how thick you make it, it’s how you make it thick.

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~ by acm213 on January 13, 2009.

3 Responses to “Release Day”

  1. Ed Marinaro, former Vi-queen!

  2. Good call! One rush attempt & two receptions in Super Bowl VIII, which Minnesota lost (of course) to Miami, 24-7.

  3. This fine picture definitely has some crafty writers! How else do you come up with Peyton Elway? Only a professional comes up with that.

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